have coke, need fridge

so i was going to write about the annoying aspects of womanhood

but i thought it may alarm some people (male) and maybe not appropriate for the internetz? not that teh internet cares, eg. http://encyclopediadramatica.com/2_girls_1_cup

but i meant more for the sake of my own dignity.

anyway theres a baby monkey at the taronga?monarto? zoo, some sort of zoo, and it was rejected by its mother. why i dont know because it is possibly the most lovely creature ever to be born, i want to clone it over 9000 times. i want to put one in the baby carriage with my friend samie-lee's newborn baby seth. whos cuter now?!? if you read this sam of course it is your offspring.
here is elke



zomg

on the topic of lovely creatures, my cat puzzle thinks he is still a kitten, and is also very cunning when it comes to catching mice. he catches a lot of them and disembowels them slowly, and then eats them. it is lovely in theory but not lovely to watch
and they are usually baby mice too
anyway yesterday i noticed he was playing a game of cat and mouse - literally! hahaha oh my god lame. but he was playing very lazily with a baby mouse. and i told him to piss off and saved the baby mouse. it was so small and bouncy in my hand, i named him george, i dont know if it was a boy or a girl. then i let him go and washed my hands a few times.

this has been an essay on trying to sound like a 13 year old girl. successful.

hopefully next time i have something a bit more profitable to say, ill try and make you forget how shit i am at blogging and life by distracting you with this awesome collage of alex mack

the truth is out there

the x files is indeed my favourite show ever
actually its on a par with skins and veronica mars but that's a story for another day

my passion for the x files, which has lay dormant over the past year at the lack of watching ive been able to do because i only have parts of season 1 and 2 on dvd, which lets face it, arent the best seasons (although theyre still amazing); has recently been rekindled on account of watching my favourite episode ever, bad blood, the other night at my bf's house courtesy of Unit and his foxtel. now, even more than ever, i simply must purchase the entire box set. i will need $350.00 for this but i think kevin rudd will happily purchase it for me. but that's a story for another day.

the x files is amzing for many reasons, here are some:
1. the Unresolved Sexual Tension between Mulder and Scully is widely regarded as the best ever on television ever
2. the mytharc is extremely in depth yet someone who had never seen the show could watch it one day and still find it awesome
3. david duchovny and gillian anderson are great actors and have excellent chemistry
4. cigarette smoking man

here are some pictures which demonstrate my points



this is when mulder and scully go undercover as a married couple in suburbia; episode provides lots of shippy moments and lulz


here is scully being sexual and mulder being badass; both with guns



now go watch

my anthropological findings:

they do not really include
heartbreak high
but i am trying to rationalise not doing work;

i was about 6 when it was on, i used to watch it because it seemed cool and i felt a bit daring when i watched it because it was meant for older kids; 12 year olds. i didn't really take anything in or understand any of it other than gang fights and teenage lovers and their babies, generally feral kids being romanticised, and the chick who plays Leah on Home and Away now when she was really young dancing around like a sluzza in a ballet studio. but it was okay because she was greek and wild.


DRAZIC AND ANITAAAAA
and of course



such an epic love story. i was just "taking a break" from uni work which is raping the soul out of me when i came across this picture which brought back a wave of emotions. i dont remember any of their storylines but i know they were deeply in love and nothing would tear them apart. the guy who plays drazic is now on that aussie cop show rush, ive never watched it because it looks ghey, but apparently it's good, but the most important thing about it is that he has a severley bung eye



you can't really see it but oh my god

i'm past being judgemental now. i hope you've enjoyed these anthropological findings on heartbreak high. i conclude that the ABC should bring LiftOff back on tv.

do you have fly buys? no, i'm not flying anywhere...

This is the common response when i ask the question
either that or "no, its a waste of time"
both of which i have to hum in agreement. or get fired.

I work at coles in case you did not guess. At the checkout. I am a checkout chick. scale of soul to job: the former decreases as the latter increases

I am in fact heading there to serve in about ten minutes. I'll probably need some nodoz to deal. I have noticed that how nice i am to customers is directly influened by how much caffeine i've had.

Coles is very customer oriented, if you want, you can come in and be a complete arsehole to us and we will smile and take it. Unless we have some dignity, in which case we'll confuse you passive-aggressively. Or flip out, and then get fired. My friend anna got in trouble the other day for telling a customer she was going on her break. Apparently it's rude.

Next time i post i will write a set of coles rules. i'd do it now but i have to go to coles. Instead, here is an amusing picture i made:

phillip pirrip, my new friend......

I had something of an epiphany today, sitting in my english: "ideas of the real" class discussing an excerpt of Henry James' Turn of the Screw. A girl who was pissing me off because she was saying pretentious, englishy things but admittedly had a good grasp on the shit said something to the lecturer like "it's like you have to accept and come into this world to be able to come into the next". i was just thinking yuck, pretentious, yuck, when the lecturer pretty much jizzed in her pants; today i have learnt to let go of the inhibition of sounding like a complete fuckhead and just embrace the stupid, artsy, sit-in-a-coffee-shop-drinking-only-coffee-all-day-and
-chain-smoking-cigarettes-while-wearing-a-beret things you're supposed to say.

i wish i could put a lovely illustration of this up but i am on the wrong computer.


also today i saw an asian dude driving a car with hello kitty seat covers, this made me happy to the extreme as it reminded me of my own, mine is a lot less x-core than his was, mine is purple and fluffy and given to me by my lovely boyfriend and there's only one and only one for me.


however i was pissed off because i got a message as soon as i got on the bus that told me my friends were in the unibar. no getting drunk before tackling anthropology assignment for me?

today you can help me by telling me your experiences of the mother-daughter relationship.
i need to stop blogging.......... feeling self indulgent............ fail.

your mother in law is heavy

The title of this blog refers to the way my anthropolgy lecturer introduced us to the subject... He went on to explain about how he loved the word heavy, as it has so many different meanings, and then about the five dollar note, and then about starfish. I sort of knew what he was talking about

Not really.
Today at uni i watched mythbusters and spoke lots of french (cecile et julien sont malade). Here is a picture that i wish i drew:



Today i have decided to discuss the economic crisis. I heard last night through the sultry lips of sandra sully that the CEO of billabong declared himself bankrupt, I thought, lolz. To be honest the economic crisis hasn't affected me much, I am financially affected more by the fact that today I decided to buy a $170 dress and now have $70 to last me a week... It seems the world is basically going to shit, what with fires and floods and global warming and droughts and no money and the torrens being ugly. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the apocalypse, just in a slow, drawn out, boring way, and I wouldnt be that fussed if it is.
Hopefully we survive long enough to see december 12, 2012, because that's the day the aliens come to take back the planet and put the black oil virus inside all humans, I'd love to see it in action. Maybe the syndicate will have perfected the alien human hybrid by then.

I'm not really psycho i'm just an x files fan. Isn't gillian anderson the perfect woman?

gazeem was obviously less than worthy

I used to have a blog, it was shit because i was 16. Then i had another one and it was infinitely better. Then I got facebook

Blogging is only good when it is a short story in 21st century postmodern techno internetz form. I like stories so i'll try to tell stories and not useless carp about me. There's too much carp on the internet. Not enough porn though.

One of my favourite things to do is learn useless information and then pull it out on quiz nights. For example, did you know switching letters is called spoonerism? Saying "jap of flapan" instead of "flag of japan" is spoonerism, in my experience, spoonerism creates lolz.

Here is a list of some things about me:

1. I had my first day of university today. I haven't used a pen much over my gap year; I suspect I may have carpal tunnel, or lupus

2. I can dislocate my jaw at will. My orthodontist wanted to shatter my jaw and remake it but i said no thanks Orglen (that's his name).

3. My favourite smell is burnt hair

This evidently failed my efforts to not write about myself. I'll try better next time -- in the meantime if you'd like to know more about me send a package of diet coke to my address